This summer has been designated as a knowledge building time for my business. I´m up to my eyeballs in courses and homework assignments from my coaches and it´s a bit overwhelming. I´ve always been one to resist some of the conventional ways of doing business and these exercises are pushing lots of my buttons.

More questions are being asked than I thought possible. However, I keep reminding myself that thinking and questioning ourselves is precisely what coaches push us to do.  And that´s probably a very good thing, although my head and heart aren´t necessarily agreeing with that logic today.  I particularly hate the questions that tie me down to doing or being “one thing”.

I have some clients and friends that are absolutely clear about what they want to do. My partner Greg is so definite it´s like he has a written assignment from the Universe with what he needs to do during his journey to Earth. Surely God must have stamped nutrionist, actress, scientist or teacher on these people´s foreheads because it´s like they´ve been branded for life.

Me…well, I waffle between about a dozen descriptions of what I do depending on the day and the mood. Sometimes I am a minister, sometimes a coach, frequently a healer, (especially here in Sedona) usually an author and once in a while a workshop facilitator. I am almost always an entrepreneur.  I can change what I call myself as frequently as I brush my teeth. It´s a good thing nobody is keeping track.

I admire those who just know. Sometimes it´s downright envy like it was today as I was trying to complete a homework assignment on my specific target market. It´s when I know I need to practice my own medicine and get away from it all for a bit. I went for a hike, did some journaling, played Scrabble and worked on my birthday present for my favorite puppy in Mexico, Precious. It´s her first birthday today and I prepared a video of the last six months for her. 

That all took my mind off of the questions at hand but it still means that tomorrow morning I have to be up and at the assignment. I laugh to think that I am paying for this mental persecution but I know that it´s good…at least I think it is.

I know from my conversations with other entrepreneurs that some just know what they´re here to do and others can drift like the wind. I call people like me serial entrepreneurs. My gypsy spirit for travelling and living around the world definitely carries over to my business.  My dear friend Monique says I follow Spirit.  That´s feels better than being considered unfocused or having ADD which most entrepreneurs claim to have.

Today one of my most frequently asked questions before I commit is: Do I really, really, really want to do this? I find myself saying “no” more than “yes”. That´s a good thing because the definition of what I want my life to look like is becoming very concise. 

What I am clear on is that I need to continue to ask for guidance and lots of it. I was called to Sedona. I know that. I know that the information that I need to get for the next chapter of life is here, amidst the red rocks, the vortexes and the blue sky.   Maya, my shaman friend stopped in this morning for a visit and reminded me to stay quiet and listen to the answers.

However, it isn´t the bird chirping in the tree right beside me, the occasional voices of people, traffic in the background but my own very curious mind, that makes quiet sometimes difficult to achieve. It´s much more comfortable when life is busy and there is lots to do. 

We can avoid the answers as much as we ask the questions. We want to know… but then again, do we really? Will those answers bring responsibility, change, new friends, leaving of the old and familiar and many other unknown factors that are precisely that - unknown? 

My wonderful friend Tama Kieves wrote words in her book, This Time I Dance that I have never forgotten although I last read it many years ago. She said, “the heart knows the way”. So I listen to my heart, my soul, my core, as Maya called it today and know that there is truth there and all the answers that I need. I don´t think I ask the questions so much as to know the answers but to distract myself from actually going inside and listening to the answers that are already there.

Many of my clients will squirm when I tell them that they do know, of course they do. And of course you do too. You do know at some level what you´re really supposed to be doing. When Monique and I facilitate a Sacred Gifts workshop, we watch people share their passion, their dream, their longing and then close up that portal as if it could never happen.

It´s simply not true. It can happen, but we need to be open to those passions, dreams, and longings. We need to nurture them and feed them rather than push them into the back of the closet and hope they die in the dark. Bring them out in the open, talk about them and believe in them. They will flourish with some love and attention.

I can already see that spending this summer in Sedona will be revealing in many ways. Maya has invited me to her place to do some ceremonies on her sacred land next week. Greg is coming for 5 days next month and we will do more ceremonies with her while he is here.   She came into my life last year on my birthday for a reason and I am excited that I get to tap into her ancient wisdom and deep connection with Source. It is a wonderful transition from the practical aspects of my life  to the spiritual.

Monique laughed at me as she watched me pack for Sedona a few weeks ago in her living room. She said, “you´ve left behind all of your worldly goods, you don´t even own a couch or a bed and you travel around the world with your 2 kitchen knifes, a vegetable peeler and a chopping board.” And as I unpack in every new home, I too laugh at what is important to me right now. I peel and cut a lot of vegetables every day and the right tools are critical to making life easy.

Maybe by the time I leave Sedona, I will be happy to part with them and trust more in the practical aspects of the journey, but in the meantime, I´m glad they´re here with me. I´ve been making lots of soups and salads over the last 10 days already!

You can read my daily blog at www.janjanzendaily.com and keep up with pictures and daily insights as the summer unfolds.   And go check out the video of Precious.  It´s posted there.  It will definitely make you smile.