матрациI recently connected with an old friend. Although we hadn’t spoken for about a year, we picked up the conversation like it was just last week, although lots had changed for both of us. A downsizing at her workplace precipitated major decisions as to her career choices and financial future.

What was so fascinating in listening to her was that, despite her telling me that she didn’t know what to do, she really did. As I listened to her argue with herself for a few minutes, it was obvious that she had been given the direction to go; she just wasn’t listening. She knew that she was to stay home with the kids for the summer and then go back to school. It was as clear as a bell to me during the conversation and equally as clear to her also by the end of the conversation.

So why do we fight with ourselves over the choices when if we were perfectly honest with ourselves, we often already know the answers?

If we cut through all the mind-frick and mumbo-jumbo, I believe it comes down to one reason primarily - we are afraid of making a mistake. Plain and simple. We don’t want to make a mistake.

Unfortunately, many of us were raised with the adage that making a mistake was serious business. It could bring shame on the family or religious community. It might scar us for life. What would other people think if we did something wrong or stupid? The message very clearly sent was that it’s not safe to make mistakes.

We thereby spend our entire lives avoiding mistakes, which is absolutely crazy.

When I realized this several years ago on my own personal journey of discovery, I decided that I cannot make a mistake. I can only have a different experience. Did you get that? You cannot make a mistake. You can only have a different experience.

Whew – what a relief! So if you choose A, then B is the different experience. If you choose B, then C is it. There is nothing right or wrong about any of it – it is just different. If when my husband wanted to come back after leaving the marriage, I had said yes, then my experience over the past 10 years would have been remarkably different than it was. Better? Who knows? Different? Absolutely! Rather than worry about the what ifs….I have chosen to focus on making the best of the choice and loving the experience.

I love that I just bought the car I wanted, instead of it having to be a mutual decision, compromising to please someone else’s tastes. I love managing my own money with no surprises about what the other person spent. I love traveling where I want to travel and having exactly the kind of vacation I know I need for me. Those are benefits and I dwell on those rather than on the downsides of which there are also many.

Once you let go of the belief that you can make a mistake, the freedom you experience is like a kid in a candy store where it’s all f.r.e.e.! The world is yours for the taking, the experiencing, the sheer enjoyment of exploration and investigation. Isn’t that exciting?

Yet I talk to so many people who hear the direction but constantly ask for confirmation. This is another symptom of the fear of making a mistake. The idea that getting the same message three different times must mean it’s true is a fallacy and a time-waster.

If I chose to make the Universe give me the same directions or guidance three times, I’d get one-third done! That is a huge waste of time. Why not listen the first time and go for it? You cannot make a mistake. You will only have a different experience and from what I’ve seen they’re all fascinating – even the really scary ones.

I’ve got some exciting things coming up over the next few months including a brand new book. It’s called The Booby Trap: How Complacency is Costing Women Their Lives. It’s provocative, highly controversial and beyond juicy. When I was told to come back to Canada to write it six weeks earlier than I had planned, I didn’t delay. I made the arrangements and committed.

I will be settling back in BC by the end of the year for a few years…so I am told. When I bought a set of pots and pans that were on sale and a brand new car that definitely wasn’t, that was my answer to the Universe, my commitment to this project. The Universe understands that for me to make those commitments, this is big for me – the gal who has lived out of 2 suitcases with no debt for the past 2 ½ years. As confirmation it’s been beautiful to see the support for the book come from so many different places. I would never have imagined.

I assure you that any initial misgivings about listening will soon disappear once you see the magic and peace that can transpire in your life when you become accustomed to the flow of listening and following, hearing and taking action. The partnership that is extended to every one of us is mystical and magical. It’s absolutely the easiest way to create your amazing life!

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