The words, “I don’t like you” rang through my head for decades. It wasn’t the classroom bully who said it. It wasn’t my best friend who uttered those words. It was my Dad. I was just 12 years old. I still remember the shock of realizing that the man who was supposed to love me no matter what, didn’t like me.
Looking back, I really can’t blame Dad. I was a precocious, selfish, ungrateful 12-year- old. We were in Hawaii at the time and I was making my parent’s life miserable on their holiday. However, what’s so funny is that at 49, Dad still doesn’t “like me”. The difference is that I’m not precocious, selfish or ungrateful any longer. I’m independent, a free-thinker and liberated. But Dad still doesn’t like any of those qualities in his youngest daughter who he thinks has gone severely astray.
People often tell me they’re worried people won’t like them. Consequently, they sacrifice their ideas, beliefs, values and dreams in hopes that the people around them will agree with them and support them. Unfortunately it just doesn’t work that way.
I realized many years ago that no matter what I did, people wouldn’t like me. There was really no getting around that fact. I could go down one path and some would approve. Others would disapprove. Chose another path and you are faced with the same dilemma.
I recently received an email from a successful professional who has decided to live a dream. Her parents and friends aren’t being overly supportive. That can be challenging when we have been raised to believe that a parent’s disapproval (no matter how old we are) means we are wrong. It can take courage to make a decision that doesn’t get rave reviews from the family, community or culture.
The pressure can be strong to succumb to everybody else’s desires and opinions. However, that will never create your amazing life. Your dreams are unique and special. They were given to you. They were not given to your mother, father, husband, wife or best friend. Those dreams are yours and yours alone.
When you get that you will never have 100% approval, no matter what you do, you can let go of the fear, doubt and guilt around doing what feels right for you.
Will there be some residue of those emotions the first few times you walk in the opposite direction of what you are “expected” to do? You better believe it. It took me 3 years to decide to leave the religious organization I was raised in. It was the toughest decision I ever made. Looking back, it was also the best. Yet, 11 years later, I still get flack from my family over the decision in the form of silence, ostracism and at times outright criticism. Nothing has changed for them but my life has gone from slavery to complete and total freedom – something I had never before experienced.
Some people will criticize you because they are honestly convinced that you are wrong. However, until they walk in your shoes, breathe your breath, and live with your soul, how could anyone be so dogmatic as to be 110% convinced of anything? Seriously, we have NO idea of what is going on in another person’s head. Most people don’t have a very good clue of what is going on in their own head – never mind anyone else’s!
Others will be outspoken because they are downright jealous of what you are choosing to do. They too want what you are going after but they are living with their own limitations and fears. They are stuck. You going after what you want only serves as a harsh reminder of how much they dislike their life. So they feel better when they judge your decisions.
Get over the idea that you are going to have 100% support from your cheering section with every decision you make. And if you find that you are getting little to no support from your associates, friends or family, then that could be a big clue that you need to attract people who are more supportive into your life. Surround yourself with people who do like you for you who are striving to be and are willing to help you get there. That can be a huge asset in creating your amazing life!
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